Chemical Engineer

Story telling is EEeZZz.....?

2009-05-28T17:26:00.001+06:00

I once wrote the shortest story in the world. It goes like this

Once upon a time, there was a man. Then he died.

Simple isn’t it?

Nevertheless, it contains all the necessary features of a good story;
a beginning including the presentation of the main character,
and a concluding end.

Because of the simplicity,
there is plenty of room for variation.

You can add a twist of suspense,

Once upon a time, there was a man. Then he was killed.

You can add a twist of history,

Once upon a time, there was a king. Then he died.

Combine the above and it becomes a classic drama,

Once upon a time, there was a king. Then he was killed.

By adding a supporting character you get the Shakespearian version,

Once upon a time there was a king. Then he was killed by his best friend.

Or the Dickens version,

Once upon a time, there was a poor, sick boy. Then he died.

Or what I call ‘the post modern approach’,

Once upon a time, there was a poor, sick poet who wanted to die.

Feel free to make your own versions.

Story telling is not so hard.

Thoughts for Today....

2009-05-27T04:27:00.000+06:00

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Best Famous Quotes

2009-05-26T15:18:00.000+06:00

Wisdom Quotes

1. You can do anything, but not everything.

—David Allen

2. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

3. The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.

—Unknown Author

4. You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.

—Wayne Gretzky

5. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

—Ambrose Redmoon

6. You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

—Gandhi

7. When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.

—Lin-Chi

8. The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.

—A. A. Milne

9. To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail.

—Abraham Maslow

10. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

—Aristotle

11. A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.

—Baltasar Gracian

12. Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.

—Basho

13. Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

—Lao-Tze

14. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.

—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

15. What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.

—John Ruskin

16. The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.

—Marcel Proust

17. Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching

—Unknown Author

18. Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not.

—Virgil Garnett Thomson

19. Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

—Will Rogers

20. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily.

—Zig Ziglar

Funny Quotes

21. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

—John Wilmot

22. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

—Oscar Levant

23. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

—Oscar Wilde

24. I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.

—New York City detective

25. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

—Norm Crosby

26. Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

—Kurt Vonnegut

27. Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

—Carl Sagan

28. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.

—Jean Rostand

29. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

—Lily Tomlin

30. I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

—Richard Lewis

31. We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

—Robert Wilensky

32. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

—Scott Adams

33. If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.

—Anon

34. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.

—Clarence Darrow

35. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

—Cullen Hightower

36. There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.

—Cyril Connolly

37. There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

—Dick Cavett

38. All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

—H. L. Mencken

39. I don’t mind what Congress does, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

—Victor Hugo

40. I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

—Woody Allen

21 SUGGESTIONS FOR SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE...

2009-04-22T04:08:00.003+06:00

I saw this picture during idle net surfing and found it worthy enough to post here. It tells us about 21 different things by acting on which one can lead a successful life. Success is the word about which everybody thinks alot and while doing so, he or she tries to compare his life style with their ideal (or those by whom they've been impressed in any way). And that would be marvelous if we adopt the good habits of other people.

The Japanese and the Fresh Fish.................

2009-04-19T10:16:00.000+06:00

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish. If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh. To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis!

But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan .

How did they manage? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks but with a small shark. The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move. The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh!

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull? Basically in our lives, sharks are new challenges to keep us active. If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. Your challenges keep you energized. Don't create success and revel in it in a state of inertia. You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference.

Take a Risk, take a chance. Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!

Things that make you feel good.......

2009-04-18T23:47:00.000+06:00

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one..

Falling in love.
Laughing so hard your face hurts.
A hot shower.
No lines at the supermarket
A special glance.
Getting mail
Taking a drive on a pretty road.
Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)
A long distance phone call.
A bubble bath.
Giggling.
A good conversation.
The beach
Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.
Laughing at yourself.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Running through sprinklers.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
Laughing at an inside joke.
Friends.
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep...
Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
Playing with a new puppy.
Having someone play with your hair.
Sweet dreams.
Hot chocolate.
Road trips with friends.
Swinging on swings.
Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking your favorite tipple.
Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
Going to a really good concert.
Making eye contact with a cute stranger
Winning a really competitive game.
Making chocolate chip cookies.
Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
Spending time with close friends.
Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
Holding hands with someone you care about.
Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
Watching the sunrise.
Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

2009-04-18T14:43:00.002+06:00

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Smiling the maxican replied," And what am I doing NOW....????"

The moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

Stop Watering the Seeds of Suffering......

2009-03-19T02:09:00.002+05:00

All of us could use some help and support in our relationships. But there are things we do that end up engaging a more destructive side. We can't help it. As human beings we're bound to become frustrated, irritable, suspicious, and even despairing. More often than not, the people who this energy rubs off on are those who are closest to us. It could be a husband, wife, best friend, or child. Either way, we engage in a way that only serves to drag the other down. Internationally best selling author and acclaimed Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh calls this "watering the seeds of suffering." Maybe you come home from a hard day's work, tired and irritable and pick up fight with your partner. Or maybe the contract at work hasn't come through yet so you begin telling a colleague how you really didn't like the way they did that report. There may be some momentary relief because by sharing this negativity we're not the only ones carrying it, but now the other is suffering and now in a weaker state to support us.

Unaware of the space in between the trigger and the reaction, relationships can fall into a cycle of escalation that doesn't serve anyone. Whether at home or at the workplace, it's ok to talk openly about getting frustrated, irritated, or despairing at times and bring it out in the open that this is a natural emotion in life. If the person you are speaking with his human, there's a good chance they have had these feelings too. By doing this you now make it ok to share the actual emotion when it is arising, rather than taking it out on the unknowing person. This is a healthier way to interact and often times leads to a sense of connection and empathy rather than hate and despair.

To take this a step further, if you an another often get caught in a downward cycle, you can make an agreement where you notice when this is beginning to occur and create some gesture that signifies respectfully noticing that the cycle is happening. In other words, make an agreement to not water the seeds of each other's suffering. For example, if bickering begins, you might both agree that putting up one hand acknowledges this past agreement and that both of you might just take a time out, try and relax, and then come back to one another from a more grounded place. In the past, other people have put up two fingers in sign of peace and yet another agreed to bow to one another in a sign of respect. The reason this can be helpful is that it is often unhelpful to the relationship to communicate from places of imbalance.

This could also work very well in the workplace during this economy when people often share negative stories and gossip that in the end only serve to reduce morale and make actually working more challenging. Make an agreed upon sign with your co-workers that reminds you both when this cycle is happening and to nip it in the bud, because at the end of the day it makes the job more difficult.

As always, please share your thoughts, insights, and questions below. Your additions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

2009-03-16T17:58:00.002+05:00

She Says..............!

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes,
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
My claws are not that sharp.

Another key to Success....

2009-03-16T01:48:00.007+05:00

While wandering through internet I came across this quote and I was really stunned after I realized the same messege behind this quote too, which we often hear; that is the final step which is going to make our efforts wholly different from others, should definitely be decided by the 'THINGIE' between our ears, inside our skull.

This is because every thing can be taught to a certain extent only. So, in order to learn 100% of the tactics reqiured for achieveing success, we actually have to
graciously sharpen our instincts about them.

The quote goes like this,

Nine-tenths of tactics are certain and taught in the books; but, the irrational tenth is like the kingfisher flashing across the pool (who could never actually do so!). This is the test of generals. Success can only be ensured by instinct sharpened by thought. At the crisis, it is as natural as a reflex!

T. E. Lawrence

2009-03-15T23:37:00.005+05:00

What is L-O-V-E............!

Today, I just came across a very beautiful website in which the four letter word L-O-V-E was described in the most amazing way. Everything seemed to be gone still when I read the flying sentences on the web page It is actually a flash website, so everyting including pictures, words, and sentences are animated. Though it will take few seconds probably more, depending on the internet speed you might have, but it is worth a visit.

http://thelovemovie.com

2008-11-20T15:26:00.004+05:00

World’s Easiest Quiz

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1- How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?

2- Which country makes Panama hats?

3- From which animal do we get cat gut?

4- In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5- What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6- The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7- What was King George VI’s first name?

8- What color is a purple finch?

9- Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10- What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Feeling pretty confident are you? You only need 4 answers correct to pass the test.

To get the answers, scroll down.

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1- How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2- Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3- From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4- In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5- What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6- The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7- What was King George VI’s first name? Albert

8- What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9- Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10- What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

2008-11-20T15:21:00.001+05:00

Sometimes..

Ever notice that

Sometimes…

when you cry…

no one sees your tears.

Sometimes…

when you are in pain…

no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes…

when you are worried..

no one sees your stress.

Sometimes…

when you are happy..

no one sees your smile.

But…

Let just ONE tiny little fart in the grocery store and EVERYone notices!

Life’s funny that way.

2008-11-20T15:15:00.001+05:00

Disorder in the American Courts

________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh…….. he’s twenty.
______________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you sh****** me?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh… I was gettin’ laid!
___________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you sh****** me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people Would you like to
rephrase that?
_________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________
And the best for last:
_________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

2008-11-17T01:19:00.001+05:00

LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS

Forgive.

Always do your share and a little bit more.

A person never looks so tall as when he stoops to help another.

Smile when introducing yourself.

Have a firm hand shake.

Be the first person to say hello.

Always buy what little kids are selling.

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Memorize your favorite poem.

Watch at least one sunrise and one sunset a year.

Remember people's birthdays. Not just your own.

Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

When you say, "I love you", mean it.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Believe in love at first sight.

Use fresh herbs when cooking.

Never laugh at anyone's dreams.

Ask questions. It's not always about what you know, rather What you can find out!

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

Don't judge people by their relatives.

Talk slow but think quick.

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Call your Mom! NOW

Laugh....A Lot!

Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze, especially a stranger.

Take a plate of cookies to a new neighbor.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in in your voice.

Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, conversational skills will be as important as any other.

Spend some time alone.

Open your arms to change.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

What is a Chemical Engineer?

a) An Engineer who manufactures chemicals,

b) A Chemist who works in a factory, or

c) A glorified Plumber?

This is actually a trick question as the correct answer is d) "None of the above." (Note however that chemical engineering students bored with the relentless "pipe-flow example" during fluid dynamics class may begin to think of themselves as simply "glorified plumbers".)

The first two incorrect answers make sense based upon the narrow sounding title; "chemical engineer." Surely such a person must be either a "chemist who builds things", or an "engineer who makes chemicals". Yet, the English language has never really made any sense and the name "chemical engineer" is a case in point.

"Enough already...go to the bottom."

All Right, So What is a Chemical Engineer?

It is true that chemical engineers are comfortable with chemistry, but they do much more with this knowledge than just make chemicals. In fact, the term "chemical engineer" is not even intended to describe the type of work a chemical engineer performs. Instead it is meant to reveal what makes the field different from the other branches of engineering.

All engineers employ mathematics, physics, and the engineering art to overcome technical problems in a safe and economical fashion. Yet, it is the chemical engineer alone that draws upon the vast and powerful science of chemistry to solve a wide range of problems. The strong technical and social ties that bind chemistry and chemical engineering are unique in the fields of science and technology. This marriage between chemists and chemical engineers has been beneficial to both sides and has rightfully brought the envy of the other engineering fields.

The breadth of scientific and technical knowledge inherent in the profession has caused some to describe the chemical engineer as the "universal engineer." Yes, you are hearing me correctly; despite a title that suggests a profession composed of narrow specialists, chemical engineers are actually extremely versatile and able to handle a wide range of technical problems.

So What Exactly Does This "Universal Engineer" Do?

During the past Century, chemical engineers have made tremendous contributions to our standard of living. To celebrate these accomplishments, the American Institute of Chemical Engineers (AIChE) has compiled a list of the "10 Greatest Achievements of Chemical Engineering." These triumphs are summarized below:

The Atom, as Large as Life:

Biology, medicine, metallurgy, and power generation have all been revolutionized by our ability to split the atom and isolate isotopes. Chemical engineers played a prominent role in achieving both of these results. Early on facilities such as DuPont's Hanford Chemical Plant used these techniques to bring an abrupt conclusion to World War II with the production of the atomic bomb. Today these technologies have found uses in more peaceful applications. Medical doctors now use isotopes to monitor bodily functions; quickly identifying clogged arteries and veins. Similarly biologists gain invaluable insight into the basic mechanisms of life, and archaeologists can accurately date their historical findings.

The Plastic Age:

The 19th Century saw enormous advances in polymer chemistry. However, it required the insights of chemical engineers during the 20th Century to make mass produced polymers a viable economic reality. When a plastic called Bakelite was introduced in 1908 it sparked the dawn of the "Plastic Age" and quickly found uses in electric insulation, plugs & sockets, clock bases, iron cooking handles, and fashionable jewelry (see OIL). Today plastic has become so common that we hardly notice it exists. Yet nearly all aspects of modern life are positively and profoundly impacted by plastic.

The Human Reactor:

Chemical engineers have long studied complex chemical processes by breaking them up into smaller "unit operations." Such operations might consist of heat exchangers, filters, chemical reactors and the like. Fortunately this concept has also been applied to the human body. The results of such analysis have helped improve clinical care, suggested improvements in diagnostic and therapeutic devices, and led to mechanical wonders such as artificial organs. Medical doctors and chemical engineers continue to work hand in hand to help us live longer fuller lives.

Wonder Drugs for the Masses:

Chemical engineers have been able to take small amounts of antibiotics developed by people such as Sir Arthur Fleming (who discovered penicillin in 1929) and increase their yields several thousand times through mutation and special brewing techniques. Today's low price, high volume, drugs owe their existence to the work of chemical engineers. This ability to bring once scarce materials to all members of society through industrial creativity is a defining characteristic of chemical engineering (see Plastics above, Synthetic Fibers, Food, and Synthetic Rubber below).

Synthetic Fibers, a Sheep's Best Friend:

From blankets and clothes to beds and pillows, synthetic fibers keep us warm, comfortable, and provide a good night's rest. Synthetic fibers also help reduce the strain on natural sources of cotton and wool, and can be tailored to specific applications. For example; nylon stockings make legs look young and attractive while bullet proof vests keep people out of harm's way.

Liquefied Air, Yes it's Cool:

When air is cooled to very low temperatures (about 320 deg F below zero) it condenses into a liquid. Chemical engineers can then separate out the different components. The purified nitrogen can be used to recover petroleum, freeze food, produce semiconductors, or prevent unwanted reactions while oxygen is used to make steel, smelt copper, weld metals together, and support the lives of patients in hospitals.

The Environment, We All Have to Live Here:

Chemical engineers provide economical answers to clean up yesterday's waste and prevent tomorrow's pollution. Catalytic converters, reformulated gasoline, and smoke stack scrubbers all help keep the world clean. Additionally, chemical engineers help reduce the strain on natural materials through synthetic replacements, more efficient processing, and new recycling technologies.

Food, "It's What's For Dinner":

Plants need large amounts of nitrogen, potassium, and phosphorus to grow in abundance. Chemical fertilizers can help provide these nutrients to crops, which in turn provide us with a bountiful and balanced diet. Fertilizers are especially important in certain regions of Asia and Africa where food can sometimes be scarce (See NITROGEN). Advances in biotechnology also offer the potential to further increase worldwide food production. Finally, chemical engineers are at the forefront of food processing where they help create better tasting and most nutritious foods.

Petrochemicals, "Black Gold, Texas Tea":

Chemical engineers have helped develop processes like catalytic cracking to break down the complex organic molecules found in crude oil into much simpler species. These building blocks are then separated and recombined to form many useful products including: gasoline, lubricating oils, plastics, synthetic rubber, and synthetic fibers. Petroleum processing is therefore recognized as an enabling technology, without which, much of modern life would cease to function (see OIL).

Running on Synthetic Rubber:

Chemical engineers played a prominent role in developing today's synthetic rubber industry. During World War II, synthetic rubber capacity suddenly became of paramount importance. This was because modern society runs on rubber. Tires, gaskets, hoses, and conveyor belts (not to mention running shoes) are all made of rubber. Whether you drive, bike, roller-blade, or run; odds are you are running on rubber.

Chemical Engineering Today & Tomorrow

The "Big Four" engineering fields consist of civil, mechanical, electrical, and chemical engineers. Of these, chemical engineers are numerically the smallest group. However, this relatively small group holds a very prominent position in many industries, and chemical engineers are, on average, the highest paid of the "Big Four" (see WAGES). Additionally, many chemical engineers have found their way into upper management. A chemical engineer is either currently, or has previously, occupied the CEO position for: 3M, Du Pont, General Electric, Union Carbide, Dow Chemical, Exxon, BASF, Gulf Oil, Texaco, and B.F. Goodrich. Even a former director of the CIA, John M. Deutch, was a chemical engineer by training.

More typically, chemical engineers concern themselves with the chemical processes that turn raw materials into valuable products. The necessary skills encompass all aspects of design, testing, scale-up, operation, control, and optimization, and require a detailed understanding of the various "unit operations", such as distillation, mixing, and biological processes, which make these conversions possible. Chemical engineering science utilizes mass, momentum, and energy transfer along with thermodynamics and chemical kinetics to analyze and improve on these "unit operations."

Today there are around 70,000 practicing chemical engineers in the United States (57,000 of these are AIChE members) (see AIChE MEMBERSHIP). During the entire history of the profession there have been only about 135,000 American chemical engineers (including those alive today). This means that more than a half of all the chemical engineers who have ever existed are contributing to society right now! Chemical engineering is not a profession that has to dwell on the achievements of the past for comfort, for its greatest accomplishments are yet to come.

2008-11-15T16:48:00.000+05:00

What Is Stainless Steel and Why Is it Stainless?

In 1913, English metallurgist Harry Brearly, working on a project to improve rifle barrels, accidentally discovered that adding chromium to low carbon steel gives it stain resistance. In addition to iron, carbon, and chromium, modern stainless steel may also contain other elements, such as nickel, niobium, molybdenum, and titanium. Nickel, molybdenum, niobium, and chromium enhance the corrosion resistance of stainless steel. It is the addition of a minimum of 12% chromium to the steel that makes it resist rust, or stain 'less' than other types of steel. The chromium in the steel combines with oxygen in the atmosphere to form a thin, invisible layer of chrome-containing oxide, called the passive film. The sizes of chromium atoms and their oxides are similar, so they pack neatly together on the surface of the metal, forming a stable layer only a few atoms thick. If the metal is cut or scratched and the passive film is disrupted, more oxide will quickly form and recover the exposed surface, protecting it from oxidative corrosion. (Iron, on the other hand, rusts quickly because atomic iron is much smaller than its oxide, so the oxide forms a loose rather than tightly-packed layer and flakes away.) The passive film requires oxygen to self-repair, so stainless steels have poor corrosion resistance in low-oxygen and poor circulation environments. In seawater, chlorides from the salt will attack and destroy the passive film more quickly than it can be repaired in a low oxygen environment.

Types of Stainless Steel

The three main types of stainless steels are austenitic, ferritic, and martensitic. These three types of steels are identified by their microstructure or predominant crystal phase.

Austenitic:
Austenitic steels have austenite as their primary phase (face centered cubic crystal). These are alloys containing chromium and nickel (sometimes manganese and nitrogen), structured around the Type 302 composition of iron, 18% chromium, and 8% nickel. Austenitic steels are not hardenable by heat treatment. The most familiar stainless steel is probably Type 304, sometimes called T304 or simply 304. Type 304 surgical stainless steel is an austenitic steel containing 18-20% chromium and 8-10% nickel.

Ferritic:
Ferritic steels have ferrite (body centered cubic crystal) as their main phase. These steels contain iron and chromium, based on the Type 430 composition of 17% chromium. Ferritic steel is less ductile than austenitic steel and is not hardenable by heat treatment.

Martensitic:
The characteristic orthorhombic martensite microstructure was first observed by German microscopist Adolf Martens around 1890. Martensitic steels are low carbon steels built around the Type 410 composition of iron, 12% chromium, and 0.12% carbon. They may be tempered and hardened. Martensite gives steel great hardness, but it also reduces its toughness and makes it brittle, so few steels are fully hardened.

There are also other grades of stainless steels, such as precipitation-hardened, duplex, and cast stainless steels. Stainless steel can be produced in a variety of finishes and textures and can be tinted over a broad spectrum of colors.

Passivation

There is some dispute over whether the corrosion resistance of stainless steel can be enhanced by the process of passivation. Essentially, passivation is the removal of free iron from the surface of the steel. This is performed by immersing the steel in an oxidant, such as nitric acid or citric acid solution. Since the top layer of iron is removed, passivation diminishes surface discoloration. While passivation does not affect the thickness or effectiveness of the passive layer, it is useful in producing a clean surface for a further treatment, such as plating or painting. On the other hand, if the oxidant is incompletely removed from the steel, as sometimes happens in pieces with tight joints or corners, then crevice corrosion may result. Most research indicates that diminishing surface particle corrosion does not reduce susceptibility to pitting corrosion.

2008-11-15T16:42:00.000+05:00

1001 things to do with Liquid Nitrogen

In the course of studying physics one is officially taught that liquid nitrogen is simply (and mainly) used to cool things down to 77K. But everybody who once has observed students in practical courses "working" with this stuff knows that this is not true.
My intention is now to tell the truth about what is really done with liquid N2 before its remains are taken and used for cooling.

As we all know liquid nitrogen is mainly used for...

# making icecream by stirring for example yoghurt under it.
(mind the carpet!; Darmstadt Group)

# Roger Carlson comments on this topic

I have pix of making ice cream (with a good recipe), feel free to link
to them if you want:

http://www.rogerandjudycarlson.com/roger/icecream/pix_ice_cream.html

# putting pieces of chalk in it for making little hovercrafts (best on linoleum floors!)

# twirling in large basins so that because of its low viscosity you get a
(nearly) infinitly turning maelstrom. It's good fun to watch little
paper-boats floating on it for minutes.

# inhaling its fumes because everybody will make eyes on you exhaling.

# freezing your partner's chair while he is shortly absent.

# for squirting water in it. If you use a spray-bottle you can squirt funny
ice patterns into a basin with nitrogen. My alltime favorite: Helmar's ice-earrings

# one word: marshmellows

# its nice for cooling a good beer in a basin of water on which the nitrogen is poured
(not much fun to look at, but great fun to drink; Darmstadt Group)

# Put on a rubber surgical glove with a hot dog (saussage) stuck in one of the
fingers. Put the hot dog in the liquid nitrogen and then, to the amazement
of your friends, smash your "finger" with a hammer. (Wes Denisson)
Comment: Keep in mind which finger...

# Get a pot of boiling water and pour some nitrogen in it. You will watch the
mists of hell shrouding the floor. It's good fun to test how long
you can stand sticking a finger into it - a cool feeling ...

# Get about a liter of soap bubble solution hot and pour about a cupful of liquid
nitrogen in it. Bubbles go everywhere! (Wes Denisson)

# Break a light bulb, put the filament into liquid nitrogen and turn it on.
Looks cool! (Wes Denisson)

# Put a little bit of nitrogen in a can with a plastic snap on lid. We use a
Pringles Chip can. After you pour in the nitrogen seal the lid. The lid will
pop off with a boom and fly off. (David Hutchison)

# Blow up a balloon. Put the inflated balloon in the nitrogen. It will deflate,
then take it out and it will inflate as it warms up. (David Hutchison)

# A siberian frog frozen in liquid nitrogen shall come to life again if you throw
it back into the water. (Prof. Alois Loidl, who never tried it in public, but
used a wind-up frog of his children instead, for demonstration)

# Freeze a can of shaving cream and then peel the can away from the
cream. Put the canless cream into someone's car. Let the oven-like
heat from the car's sitting in the sun defrost the shaving cream.
2 cans will fill an entire car. (Coulter C. Henry, Jr.)

# Freeze a banana in liquid nitrogen and use it to hammer a nail. (Wes Dennison)

# Here is a small anecdote from Markus Selve (Stuttgart, Germany) I will just quote:

"Wir haben hier nebenbei auch 'ne Anwendung entdeckt.
Eigentlich wollten wir eine wassergefüllte PET-Flasche (Cola)
unter Druck setzen und dann als Rakete hochschießen. Mit Aufpumpen haben wir leider
nur 5 bar erreicht. Deswegen haben wir in die Colaflasche ca. halb mit Wasser gefüllt.
und dann ca 100 - 200 ml LN2 zugegeben und den Deckel geschlossen. Im Deckel war ein
Loch in das wir ein Fahrradventil (nur die äussere Röhre ohne den eigentlichen
Ventileinsatz) gesteckt hatten. Da drin war ein Gummistöpsel. Eigentlich sollte es bei
Erreichen des Enddrucks (was auch immer der hätte sein sollen) den Stopfen rausdrücken
und die Rakete vom Wasserstrahl hochgehoben werden. Es hat aber den gesamten Schraubdeckel
abgerissen. Das Wasser ging ziemlich schnell raus und die Rakete ist immerhin bis zum 7.
Stock (ca. 30m) geflogen."

# Here is another quote from Jeeplass (Philadelphia):

As an employee of the Franklin Institute Science Museum in
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, I had many occasions to use liquid nitrogen in our Hot & Cold show:
One thing we used to do for smaller groups was to freeze a graham cracker and
then eat it. The vapors released through your mouth and nose are quite
dramatic and it really does tintilate your tastebuds! Of course, we usually
waved the cracker around just a little before eating it to be sure no drops of
the really cold stuff linger.

# This story was mailed to me by Earl Blodgett (Wisconsin)

For several years our Society of Physics Students
chapter has entertained visiting students with a spectacular liquid nitrogen depth charge.
The term "depth charge" is used because we have a large extremely durable plastic trash can filled
with about 40 cm of water. - After a short safty talk, focusing on the rule of NEVER tightly sealing
a vessel containing liquid nitrogen, we use a long-necked metal funnel to pour perhaps half a liter of
liquid nitrogen into an ordinary 2 liter soda bottle. Then we tightly screw on the cap, and drop it into
the water! - For several seconds, one can hear the bottle expanding! The preferential orientation of the
polymers makes the bottle get longer and longer, rather than a more spherical expansion. However, eventually
the polymers just can't take it anymore, and BOOM! A quite satisfying detonation, sending water, nitrogen
vapor, and bits of plastic high into the air. - The heavy duty plastic can serves to direct the "shrapnel"
upwards, it is lots safer this way versus just setting the bottle on the grass and running away!
(picture 1, picture 2)

# Larry Weinstein sent me the following: We have two more demos we use LN2 for here at ODU:

1) Take a 'ringshooter' (used to demonstrate Lenz's Law by placing an aluminum ring around
an AC electromagnet [made by wrapping wire around a long thin iron core - typically 15-20 cm
high and 3 cm in diameter] - the Al ring will jump into the air, a split Al ring and a nonconducting
ring will not move) and demonstrate that the Al ring will jump from the magnetic repulsion. Now
chill the Al ring in LN2. Repeat the demonstration and the ring will jump MUCH higher (since its
resistance decreases substantially at -200 C)

2) Take a thinwalled metal cone, point downward (a sealed metal funnel will work). Fill it with LN2.
Wait. Oxygen will condense out of the air and drip from the tip of the cone. Hold the tip of the funnel
between the poles of a strong magnet. The drops of liquid oxygen will levitate there (if the field is
strong enough) giving a rare good demonstration of paramagnetism. (This demo is courtesy of Sebastian
Kuhn, also at ODU.)

# Four suggestions by TOM MILLER (Air Force Research Lab):

(1) Start a show by sticking one end of very flexible tubing
(e.g., latex or tygon) down into a dewar; the heat of the tubing
will cause LN2 to spray out the other end of the tubing, and
you can direct the spray at the audience. After the submerged
end of the tubing is completely frozen (and the spraying stops),
remove from the dewar and whack the frozen end on a table
and watch it break into pieces.

(2) Wrap a long piece of latex tubing around itself and stick
the whole thing into a dewar of LN2 until completely frozen.
Remove and place on a table, and continue with the rest of
your show. After a few minutes, the tubing will slowly start to
move, sometimes crawling across the table.

(3) Stick flowers in LN2 and then crumble them in my hand;
large ones like carnations are best. Sounds simple, but the
kids love it.

(4) I freeze balloons, as you mention, but in a better way.
Blow up a balloon and slip the end of the balloon over the open
end of a test tube, and place the closed end in a dewar full of
LN2. Your breath in the balloon will slowly liquify (10-15 minutes).
When the balloon is completely deflated, lift the test tube out of
the dewar and the audience can see your liquified breath in the
test tube. The tube will frost up, but you can wipe the frost off
with your fingers. Rest the test tube in a beaker, and as time
passes, the balloon will inflate again.

# Bob sent me an email reading:

not exactly a *fancy* idea, but I thought it was cool;
bouce (or have a volunteer bounce) a soft, hollow ball. then freeze the ball LN2 style.
using gloves, try to bounce the ball again. The always neat shattering effect will be
accompanied by a loud bang.

also, throwing LN2 from a bucket at a wall - preferably above someone -
creates some interesting effects (the wall will "smoke" for a while)

# An email with the following idea comes from Ken Hubbard (da Vinci Middle School, Eugene, Oregon):

I do another "trick" with my middle school students. If you put about 10 ml of LN2 into
a styrofoam cup into a bell vacuum you can see solid nitrogen. The crystalization "puffs" up
very quickly. Really cool to be able to see N as a solid, liquid and a gas.

# Something nasty is proposed by Craig Shaw:

fill a small bottle with ln2 then screw the lid on tight. Put in a bag of flour and seal with elastic band. Then run

# Åge Guddingsmo from Norway suggested the following:

The other day me and some other students where playing around with Liquid Nitrogen.
I got the Idea to put it in 1/2 l soda bottle and watch it blow. To increase the rate
of heat into the bottle we used water. We used a 10 l bucket with water. It resulted in
an huge explosion, leaving the bucket in small pices over a larger area.

# Something for the techies among the readers of this site sent to me by Ralph Lewis Newman-Allen

ya this isnt as quick or as easy to do as most of the fun things on the site..
but a project that someone else accomplished in finaldn i think (not sure where) use a
liquid nitrogen bath to cool a AMD 1ghz cpu and overclocked it to 2ghz.
The guy mentioned, and this is what im hopefully going to accomplish/find out,
that he probobly could have overclocked it further then that but he apparently didnt have
a large enough powersupply.

This is the thing thats curious though. Im no expert in computers just a long
term intermediate user, butas far as i know most of the power goes to your monitor
(about 80% less with an LCD monitor) but even then its still probobly the most.
I wonder how minimal the cpu power drain really is on the system overall and how cost
effective it would be in the long term to just pay a few extra bucks a month, if
thats what it would amount to, for electricity then to buy a new pc system every year.

Of course theres always the cost of the nitrogen compressor too which would prob be a tad expensive.

# Ron George from Llanelli, Wales (UK) wrote to me:

I "fry" an egg using LN2. Crack an egg into a frying pan. Pour LN2 over the egg.
It turns into a "fried egg"! When it warms up again, it becomes an uncooked egg once more.

# Paul Beauregard is writing:

Pour LN2 on the tile floor with a sweeping action as you walk. It gathers
up dust into a gray mat like felt. It's sort of like using a water hose on
a driveway to push dirt in one direction. Great for 'dusting' under heavy
machinery or instruments. Sweep up the gathered dust at the edges of the
room or the low point in the room and it's gone.

# Tish Richey gives an example pour les Chefs

One of my favorite liquid nitrogen demonstrations is to place an egg (raw & in shell)
in container and cover with liquid nitrogen. after the nitrogen has evaporated,
take the egg out smash it with a hammer, it appears to be hard boiled.
As it cools it returns to white and yolk.

# Lets hope the fire brigade takes this joke (Dr Lucio Baggio; Univ. of Trento, Italy)

Hide a Dewar into one friend's dorm, drop LN2 around when he is not watching, and
then cry "FIRE". This was told me by a friend of mine, who enjoyed to see the attempts
of the victim to stop the fire...

# Richard Mack tells us about effectively cleaning floors:

LN2 also works great for sweeping and cleaning hard floors such as concrete or wood.
Get a couple liters in a container, and dump it on the floor in the direction
you want the debris to travel. It picks up everything in it's wave and if it hits a wall,
the wave will boil off and deposit the junk there. Now all you have to do is go
around the perimeter and sweep up the clutter.

# James McSheehy agrees with Richard Mack

LN2 is great for cleaning linoleum or vinyl floors. As it rolls across
the floor and boils, it picks up dirt, dust, and small debris. With a
little practice, the detritus can be sent in a specific direction and
deposited under a lab bench or out the door. Perfect for fast clean-ups
when lab directors decide to visit the worker bees.

# Jeremy A. Smith tells us a small story:

At the Gettysburg College Physics department we used to do all kinds of liquid
nitrogen demos to wow visting students. All pretty run of the mill stuff, but
at the end of the spring semester the department head would give the Society
of Physics Students free reign to play with the remaining liquid, as most of
it would dissipate over the summer break anyway.

We did several 'depth charge' style explosions in the fountain that sat in
front of the physics building. Unsatisfied with that we created a liquid
nitrogen cannon with a simple piece of thick cylindrical pipe, capped off
and weighted at one end (we also had free reign of the physics department
metal shop). We would put a small amout of liquid nitrogen in a 16 ounce
plastic bottle, tighten the lid as taight as possible, and placed it upside
down in the cannon. Then we placed a lacrosse ball on top of the bottle...
if you ever noticed, those bottles are concave on the bottem and thus made
perfect resting points for spherical projectiles. We would expediate the
expansion of the gas by pouring some water into the cannon. The explosion
would be very impressive, launching the ball tremendous distances. With a
stop watch and some quick application of basic kinematics we determined we
could get the ball to reach heights of over 40 meters! An impressive show
to say the least. We were never able to find a suitably sized pipe to
create a 2-liter bottle cannon... probably for the better, as we probably
would have tried launching bowling balls or something.

As a side note, we only ever had one mishap. Once we fumbled a bit too long
with the cannon and a bottle exploded in my hand. The most significant
damage was the startle. The concussion was considerable though, numbing my
hand for twenty minutes or so. The only other lasting repercussion was some
scratches from the tattered plastic shards. Lesson to be learned: Physics
fun is not without its hazards.

# Another story by Chad Orzel (Physics Department, Union College)

Regarding the "Liquid nitrogen in a Coke bottle" trick,
you really ought to warn your readers to be cautious about
trying that one. I know of a case at MIT where a bored
graduate student put liquid nitrogen in a Coke bottle, and
became alarmed when the bottle started to swell up. He
couldn't get the cap off, so he put the bottle in a restroom
sink, and waited outside the door.

The resulting explosion destroyed the sink, and drove little
slivers of plastic into the walls and ceiling. I've seen
pictures of the aftermath-- the damage was pretty impressive.
Somebody in the same room when the bottle blew could've been
seriously injured.

(Of course, since nobody _was_ injured, it's a funny story.
I'm especially fond of the coda, where the campus police
called his advisor at home (the whole thing happened in the
early morning hours), and told him that one of his students
had blown up the lab with nitroglycerin... The advisorm
needless to say, was rather relieved to learn that said student
had only destroyed a bathroom with liquid nitrogen.)

# no comment on the following suggestion by Edward Lin (California)

Another trick you can do is to "drink" LN2. since the nitrogen will vaporize
when it gets near your tongue, it will float on an insulating bed of
nitrogen gas and not actually freeze your tongue. You can then blow smoke
and impress your friends. Important Note: dont drink very much at a time
(just a sip) otherwise your skin temperature may eventually get to freezing,
and also do not actually swallow since your epiglotis will seal off your
esophagus and hold the LN2 long enough to freeze the surrounding tissue.

# Marshall Hampton has tried the same as above

You can put a little in your mouth (not too much!! - about half a small
spoonful) and let wisps of vapor come out. This is quite safe if you don't
overdo it - like water on a very hot stove, the N2 doesn't wet the surface.

# Here is what Ian Hook (Ex. University of New England) mailed to me:

Warning ?
My clumsy physics Lab partner was always knocking over or spilling things.
So naturally when a beaker was spilt all over my Lab note book, I grabbed it
and lifted quickly out of the way.
How does one explain to the lecturer why my entire years work is shattered into
a hundred pieces ?

Luckily the partner did not stay for another year. He noted that a 1 inch diameter
polished steel optical reflector was very dirty. It needed more than just a simple wipe.
Intending to moisten it........ he lost a huge chunk out of the centre of his tongue !
I think he was expelled after a "snap oral test".

Otherwise, it's great fun for the careful.

# Another nice trick was mailed to me by Dan Dulek (Stagg High School)

Try taking a ping-pong ball and poking a small hole in it. The hole has to be tangent
to the sphere of the ball. When poking the hole use a pin and the pin should be almost
flat agianst the ball. Basiclly you want a hole in the side of the ball that will cause
the ball to spin. Submerge this ball into the liquid nitrogen and let it fill up.
Place the ball on a table and watch it spin. As the nitrogen goes back to a gas it will
rush out the hole and presto!! It's pretty cool. If it does not spin try placing your
hand on it to warm it to get it started.

# Michael L. Clark, PE mailed to me the following text:

One of my favorite demonstrations is to freeze miniature marshmallows and
allow the participants to eat them. The thermal mass is quite low, thus
there is little danger of injury, but if eaten quickly, they still create a
small cloud of vapor.

The marshmallows are not as messy as other frozen foods. Frozen Tootsie
Rolls are also very good.

# Then I got the following message by Airframe123_at_aol.com:

Hey, i think you have great ideas[;] here are some of mine (Tested safe)
* You can put you[r] hand in liquid nitrogen and pull it out quickly (Bare hands)
* Pour a tbsp of liquid nitrogen into your hands quickly switch hands.

Safer projects

* Put a helium filled ballon in the liquid nitrogen take it out after 15-25
seconds. Drop it, it will fall to the ground and the float once more
* Put a leaf in liquid nitrogen, shatter it with your hands (Wear gloves)
* Put a rubber band in the liquid nitrogen, try to stretch it (Breaks doesn't it)
* Put 10 ballons in the liquid nitrogen (2quarts or more container) It will
amaze your friends (Wow all those fit?) Take it out and watch it inflat.

# John H. DuBois III sent me the following:

We initially acquired LN2 to make ice cream (which I've found to be especially
enjoyable in the heat of the desert, at Burning Man). But this inevitably led
to further experimentation. Some of the things we've done with it:

I dipped a large butane cylinder (the type used to refill torches and lighters)
into LN2 long enough for it to solidify, then removed it, cut it open, and
pulled out the large waxy ingot of butane. I chipped pieces off and set them
in the patio and lit them; they slide downhill as the butane on the bottom
re-liquifies, with the flames getting larger and larger. I finally took the
whole remaining piece and did the same with it, keeping an eye on it to make
sure it didn't catch anything on fire.

For a "Mad Science" party, I tried making butane ice cubes for drinks. I made
a small pressure vessel out of pipe pieces and connected it via tube to a
cylinder of butane. I dipped the vessel in LN2, and after waiting for it to
cool down, injected butane into it and let it solidify. Then I removed the
vessel from the LN2 and opened it up and removed the plug of butane. I ended
up only making one, but I was able to drop it in a flask of water and ignite
the butane gas the poured out. I ended up winning the party's top prize (a
radiometer) for this experiment. I think that may have had something to do
with the liquid butane that dripped off of the plug onto my pants and caused
them to burst into flame when I lit the flask.

My housemate showed me that he could pour LN2 into a metal measuring cup, and
tilt it a bit so that the LOX that condenses on the outside runs to one edge of
the bottom to form a nice drop. He then lights a wooden match, blows it out so
that just an ember is left, and touches it to the LOX drop, causing the match
to burst back into flame.

He also experimented with LN2-driven rockets, as recounted here:
http://www.armory.com/~spcecdt/pyrotech/cryoRocket_icb.html

A bit of advice: If you put out styrofoam bowls of LN2 to allow party-goers to
play with it, and there are also gummy bears present at this party, expect said
party-goers to discover that gummy bears shatter wonderfully when brought to
LN2 temperature and thrown on the floor or hammered with a mallet, with tiny
bits of gummy bear flying in all directions. Also expect to have a terribly
sticky mess to clean up the next day.

A serendipitous discovery: If you carefully cool down ethanol of very high
proof by adding LN2 directly to it while stirring, before it freezes it will
become glassy. The higher the proof, the easier this is to do. In my
experiments, anything less than 80% (160 proof) would transition directly from
low-viscosity liquid to solid. With 95% alcohol, it's easy to bring it to
the glassy state; with intermediate concentrations it can be done if you are
very careful and proceed slowly. A scoop of glassy alcohol dripping slowly off
of the spoon in long strands is a sight to behold. Of course, there is a
temptation to taste it, but be careful or you will end up with a blister on the
tip of your tongue (cough).

He recently wrote: "I finally scanned in some pictures I took of the stuff I
sent you a long while ago. They're at http://www.armory.com/~images/?s=LN2fun"

# The next idea was sent so me by Sasha Ivanov

LN is used in cosmetics to treat acnes, various skin diseases and hair loss due to
over active sebaceous (oil producing) glands. Wrap the stick with cotton, deep the
stick in LN and roll it back and forth over your skin or scalp. The cold causes
glands to shrink, stabilizing HP balance of the scalp. Your hair will grow four
times faster and healthier.

# The following idea was mailed to me by Steve Rohl (Senior _at_ Euclid High School)
who also likes to experiment with lqN2 together with his friend Ross James Salupo:

Let me start out by saying what can't you do with liquid nitrogen! But my
chemistry teacher showed me many things to do with it, such as exploding a 2
liter bottle and blowing it out of is mouth. But someting I don't think I saw
on your site was, putting a nice bloomed rose or flower in it and when you
squeeze it, it just crumbles. If thats not entertaining enough for you, another
thing you can do is, Light the floor on fire. All you need is a methane pump and
a test tube with a two holed stopper. Put glass rod in the holes. Connect a
rubber hose to one of the glass rods and also to the methane. Turn on the gas
and it'll go into the test tube and after 4 min or so, you will have a good
amount of liquid methane (of course the test tube has to be placed in a container
of liquid nitrogen). Now quickly take the test tube out of the liquid nitrogen
dump it on the floor and light. This isn't quite as dangerous as it sounds.
But every saftey measure should be taken...

# The following email reached me by Lasse Greiner

Wir benutzen LN2 für Hochzeiten statt Reis. Wenn das Pärchen aus dem Amt/Kirche
kommt schütten wir 2-3 Dewarkannen (a 25L) aus. Der entstehende Nebel ist ein sehr
netter Effekt, und die Abkühlung ist im Sommer auch willkommen...

Nur im Freien, und nicht in irgendwelchen Senken oder so probieren!
Und nicht fragen was das kostet ;-)

Englisch:
We use LN2 instead of rice at weddings. When the couple is leaving the building,
we pour 2-3 Dewars (each approx 25L) on the ground. The fog is a neat effect and
the cooling is appreciated in summer times.....

Outside only, and never try this in a valley of some kind.
And do not ask about the cost ;-)

PS: Ein sehr einfaches Schokoeisrezept (Kalorienbombe)

1 Glas Nutella o.ä.
250g Sahne
1 Pk Vanillinzucker

Nutella erwärmen, in der Sahne mit Vanillezucker auflösen.
In LN2 eintropfen, je kleiner die Tropfen desto besser.
Im Gefrierschrank (-20°C,über Nacht) auftauen lassen.

# James Jackson told me the following little anecdote:

We were using LN2 in a lab the other day to cool stuff down, surprisingly.
I managed to tip a load onto my trousers. Of course it began boiling off,
with clouds of 'smoke' coming off. Just at this point, when I was walking
around the lab with dramatically smoking trousers, a tour group of prospective
students walked into the lab. We all went about as if nothing was strange,
which confused the hell out of the tour group! Suffice it to say when they
left we pissed ourselves laughing.

The fun we have in otherwise dull labs.

# Someone sent me a quite some list of funny and silly things to do with liquid nitrogen:

1. Blu-Tack nails hammered into the wall
Because liquid nitrogen is so very cold, things that are normally soft are
changed in surprising and amusing ways. Blu-Tack, normally like putty, can
be shaped by hand into the shape of nails, which when put into liquid
nitrogen go hard (as nails) and can then be hammered into the wall (well,
if the wall is fairly soft). Of course, liquid nitrogen soon evaporates
and the nails warm up, and nails made of Blu-Tack turn back into ordinary
soft Blu-Tack, leaving a situation which seems to other people IMPOSSIBLE!
How has someone made a nail of soft Blu-Tack and nailed it into the wall?

Similarly I once made a cutting tool out of Blu-Tack, put it on a
power-drill and cut a notch in a desk. Next time you see notches in
university desks, you may wonder how they've been done!

2. Explosives that disappear into thin air
I urge caution here, as the letting off of explosions should always be done
in good humour! Seeing a bomb go off - great fun, but ending up dead or in
the accident & emergency dept NOT FUNNY, especially if you've got a really
stupid story to tell when they say "how did this happen?". Anyway, liquid
nitrogen, about 50ml of it, in a plastic lemonade bottle. At room temperature,
liquid nitrogen boils, expanding like steam to fill a volume 2000 times its
liquid state. The plastic bottle explodes very violently. being nearer than
30ft is NOT RECOMMENDED! Boom! It explodes in a great cloud of frozen steam
and ice-vapour! The plastic of the bottle is brittle like broken glass and
smashes into smithereens, tiny shards going all over the place. Then the scene
clears and all the liquid nitrogen literally DISAPPEARS INTO THIN AIR. So,
explosion investigators will find remnants of a violent explosion but
absolutely no trace of any explosives.

3. Rockets too can be made. As in "the advanced gas-cooled Lilt bottle".

4. Solid lumps of pure frozen Antifreeze
Antifreeze is a liquid deliberately for preventing freezing. Even dilute
quantities in car radiators can save your engine from being destroyed by
frost. Even the most severe winter will not freeze a quite strong solution
of antifreeze in water. But pure antifreeze, surely that could never be
frozen? Not so! Liquid nitrogen will freeze it solid! Pure solid blue crystal
lumps of antifreeze - a sight to be seen!

5. What if it gets in your carpet?
Liquid nitrogen is as wet as water, so it will soak material. On a solid
floor it will skitter about like globules of water on a cooker hotplate,
as the floor at room temperature is from a nitrogenous perspective as hot
as a hotplate. They hover around like tiny hovercraft on their own cushions
of evaporating fluid. A carpet is a bit different, and the stuff will soak
right through. For this reason it is best to make sure it's a good quality
carpet and not foam-backed, as the foam will shatter! Good quality carpets
aren't harmed by liquid nitrogen (except for really ancient fibre carpet).
Chewing gum in contrast turns to something hard and brittle, so with a hammer
it can be smashed! This is a novel way to remove sticky icky gooey things
from carpets.

6. Drinking liquid nitrogen
Not recommended! It's about as advisable as fire-eating! However I can do
it because I know how tiny a quantity of liquid nitrogen to drink such that
I avoid exploding! Even a few ml, swallowed, results in belching forth great
clouds of ice-vapour, an excellent party trick! Getting it wrong, though,
would be very nasty. I have found that when doing something really silly
it is best to be sensible in the silliness! If I was being charged up to
a million volts so I could spike my hair I'd be very careful not to touch
anything connected to electrical earth.

7. Rubber
Rubber; flexible, bouncy, stretchy, springy... but with liquid nitrogen it
becomes a hard solid a bit like porcelain. Rubber tubes, such as those
found on bunsen burners, if dipped in liquid nitrogen, turn into thin pottery
tubes and can be smashed! Then when they warm up, the broken pieces are still
in the shape of smashed shards but are now made of flexible rubber again.
A curious irony.

8. Killing weeds in the garden
Weeds growing inbetween slabs on paths? No problem! A quick dose of liquid
nitrogen freezes them solid! Weeds in garden paths do not survive being
frozen to minus 196 degrees C and then melting in the sun. However, the
liquid nitrogen is not a poison or a chemical as such and will completely
disappear into thin air. As a result, there is no residue. The sterile
ground will soon get new seeds dropped on it, so the technique of using
liquid nitrogen as weedkiller is not a permanent solution. What's more,
though the weeds will come back, your liquid nitrogen will not.

9. Whistling Kettles
If a whistling kettle is filled with liquid nitrogen it will soon boil,
even if just left in the room with no heating applied. A boiling kettle
with no heating. It will even whistle and boil in the deep freezer, as the
liquid is boiling at room temperature, so the room and the freezer are
like an oven in relative terms.

10. The tale of the exploding Fairy Liquid
This happened in a room in a student hall of residence. I already knew
from experience at a student party that if liquid nitrogen is put in a
bottle of Fairy Liquid then after an effective delay the top will burst off
and hit the ceiling! So, attempting to repeat this in my student room I
borrowed the bottle of dish washing liquid from the communal kitchen and
placed it in the middle of the carpet where my friends gathered around the
room could observe the stunt without (much) danger. Now I'm sure the people
who make Fairy Liquid will nod in agreement here about the wisdom of buying
a good quality washing-up liquid like Fairy Liquid and not some cheap brand.
Because Fairy Liquid is the top-of-the-range stuff and is a bit more
expensive, the bottle is more sturdy. The borrowed bottle of shop's own
brand was not just cheaper soapy stuff, but a lesser-engineered bottle. What
happened next was observed by the onlookers who will not forget, as the
liquid nitrogen boiled away and the bottle started to expand, bloating out
like a balloon. At last it could take it no more, and suddenly BURST! The
contents, a mixture of liquid nitrogen and soap-liquid went all over the
carpet!
The nitrogen disappeared within minutes. But how do you clean liquid soap
out of a carpet? Use muck? In the end it was never finally resolved,
although some of the bravest attempts took place on a Friday night. It was
a known fact that the cleaners never visited over the weekend, and the
heating was always on full because the tower had no separate room controls
and therefore had to be heated to the most tropical temperatures so as to
please all the residents, some of whom were from very hot places. So, on a
Friday night, the twenty gallon transformer wagon on wheels (which just
happened to be about) was filled with water and was overturned onto the
carpet! This produced loads of suds which could be trampled around in, but
the stuff was never exhausted. So, if you're staying in a student hall of
residence, you might like to test your carpet to see if it's been soaked
in soap.

11. Case of mistaken identity - The Wrong Pie
It was usual to collect food from the refectory and leave it lying around
in the rooms. Because of this, some of the food lying about on plates in
rooms was fresh, and some of it was stale. It never really went bad, but
because of the high temperatures and dry air it would become preserved and
dried-out. On that day I had put a small amount of liquid nitrogen in a
champagne bottle and had put the cork in (caution! Silliness!), and I aimed
it at a slice of cherry tart which had been lying around for a week or two
and I had decided was a bit too stale and was ready to throw out of the
window of the high tower to the birds. The cork shot out like a bullet, as
expected, and hit the cherry tart with just the right amount of force so as
not to smash the plate. But oh shucks, I suddenly realised the mistake and
saw the actual stale cherry tart on the bookshelf. I had shot the wrong
pie! The shot pie was the fresh one I had acquired that day! What a mess!
I hate wasting food! It really won't do! So I got a spoon and went around
carefully eating it off the chairs, curtains, carpets, etc, being very
careful to avoid eating any industrial grit and other stuff that had been
produced by some of the other silly experiments that had been done in that
room. It was an hour before I had got all the pie eaten. Not good, as I
could have put that time into studying something scientific.
So, the moral is: When aiming a champagne bottle with liquid nitrogen at
a cherry tart, make sure to identify the correct target first!

Attention! Working with liquid nitrogen may be dangerous!!! I hereby state that I am not liable or take any responsibility for damages or injuries caused by information or suggestions on this blog!

2008-11-15T16:19:00.000+05:00

The funny side of Engineering (esp. software engineering)

Engineer Jokes

The following is a rather extensive list of jokes relating to engineers in general. Enjoy!

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...

Straighten it.
Ignore it.
Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.

"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.
Important social contacts.
A feeling of connectedness with other humans.

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
Get it over with as soon as possible.
Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:

Bill Gates
MacGyver
Etcetera

Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

HONESTY

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."

FRUGALITY

Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, meaning that, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

POWERS OF CONCENTRATION

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely.

Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

RISK

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

Examples of bad press for engineers:

Hindenberg
Space Shuttle Challenger
SPANet(tm)
Hubble space telescope
Apollo 13
Titanic
Ford Pinto
Corvair

RISK/REWARD

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing.
The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."

EGO

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
How smart they are.
How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex -- and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.

------------------------------------------------------------

Engineering Terms

Top Engineering Terms and Expressions
(What engineers say versus what they mean)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)

2. Close project coordination.
(We sat down and had coffee together.)

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

4. Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech!)

5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
(We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

7. Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

9. It is in process.
(It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

10. We will look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems already.)

11. Please note and initial.
(Let's spread the responsibility for this.)

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with
what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)

------------------------------------------------------------

The Train Ride

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

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The Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below said, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone."

The man below said, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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Wife or Mistress

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison.

The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."

------------------------------------------------------------

Engineering Patients

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break. The first surgeon said, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon said, "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The third surgeon responded, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded."

Then the fourth doctor interceded, "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

To which the fifth surgeon, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, replied, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

------------------------------------------------------------

Three Freshman Engineers

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body.

The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."

The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer."

Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"

------------------------------------------------------------

Engineer and His Dog

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.

------------------------------------------------------------

Slow Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Engineers and Glasses

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

------------------------------------------------------------

Clothes

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Retired Engineer

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark: $1

Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Fixing things

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

------------------------------------------------------------

Types of Engineers

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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Talking Frog

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called up to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

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Too Smart for His Own Good

They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he met his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so he would be looking towards heaven when he died. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as divine intervention and released the priest.

Next the drunkard came to the guillotine. He also decided to die face up hoping that he would be as fortunate as the priest. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. So they released the drunkard as well.

The engineer was next. He too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, "Hey, I see what your problem is."

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You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you enjoy pain.

. . . you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”

. . . you've actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.

. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.

. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in “math.”

. . . you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.”

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.”

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you'll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.

. . . you can name 6 Star Trek episodes.

. . . you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

. . . you've modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.

. . . you've ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

. . . you've a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

. . . your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.

. . . the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work, and you rush up to the front to fix it.

. . . you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.

. . . you thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers.

. . . you spend more time on your home computer than your car.

. . . you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

. . . you know what http:/ stands for.

. . . you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.

. . . your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

. . . at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

. . . you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

. . . you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

. . . a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

. . . you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

. . . you see a good design and still have to change it

. . . the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

. . . you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

. . . your favorite James Bond character is "Q".

. . . you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

. . . you think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange

. . . you have trouble writing anything unless the paper has horizontal and vertical lines.

. . . you have more than one constant memorized.

. . . you understood more than five of the above.

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Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

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Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are in a car that breaks down.
The mechanical engineer says: ''Maybe is's a stuck valve''.
The electical engineer says: ''Maybe it's a dead battery''.
The software engineer says: ''I know. Let's all get out and get back in again, and see if that fixes it''.

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What's the difference between an engineer and a computer scientist?

An engineer thinks there's 1000 bytes in a kilobyte, and a computer scientist thinks there's 1024 meters in a kilometer.

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An engineer and a programmer

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

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Top Ten Reasons To Date an Engineer

The world does revolve around us... We pick the coordinate system.
Find out what those other buttons on your calculator do.
We know how to handle stress and strain in our relationships.
Parents will approve.
Help with your math homework.
Can calculate head pressure.
Looks good on a resume.
Free body diagrams.
High starting salary.
Extremely good looking

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Top Ten Reasons NOT to Date an Engineer

T-shirt and jeans are their formal dress. Hot dog and a six-pack is their seven-course meal.
The only social life known of is to post and talk on the net.
Flames like a monster and speaks like a pussycat.
Works from 6:30am to 7:30pm daily. No morning kisses and no evening walks.
No matter how hard you cry and how loud you yell, he just sits there calmly discussing your emotion in terms of mathematical logic.
Only listens to classic rock. Hates everything from Bach to Prince.
Touches his computer more often than you.
Talks in acronyms.
Can't leave that damn pencil off his ear for a minute.
Will file a divorce if you call him in the middle of debugging.

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More Reasons to Date an Engineer

Complimentary Tutoring
Large Earning Potential
Can handle stress and strain in relationships
Know all the dynamics of relative motion
Learn about the benefits of friction and viscosity
FREE body diagrams
Always back up their hard drives
Trained to do it right the first time
Specialized in experimentation
Can go all night with no hint of fatigue

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"You can't spell Geek without EE."

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know", said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no", said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well", said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. In the middle of the first night, for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the trash can, dousing the fire. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the engineer goes back to sleep. In the middle of the second night, a fire breaks out in the physicist's wastebasket. The physicist whips out his calculator and a note pad, frantically does a few computations, rushes to the bathroom, pulls out a cup, fills it to a precisely measured level, and rushes back to the wastebasket, pouring the water onto the fire. As the last drop hits the flame, the fire goes out. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the physicist goes back to sleep. Finally, a fire breaks out in the mathematician's room. The mathematician rushes to the bathroom, sees the ice bucket, sees a cup, sees the water faucet. He takes out his calculator and a note pad and calmly does the computations, working out exactly how much water is needed to put out a fire of that size. Satisfied that the problem is solved, he goes back to sleep.

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Top Ten Things Engineering School didn't Teach You

There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn't work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.

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Engineers do it with precision.
Electrical engineers are shocked when they do it.
Electrical engineers do it on an impulse.
Electrical engineers do it with large capacities.
Electrical engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.
Electrical engineers do it with more power and at higher frequency.
Mechanical engineers do it with stress and strain.
Mechanical engineers do it with less energy and greater efficiency.
Chemical Engineers do it in fluidized beds.
City planners do it with their eyes closed.
Petroleum engineers do it with lubrication.
Reservoir engineers do it thorougly and with lot of simulation.
Drilling engineers do it with smooth penetration aided by lubrication, frequent short wiper trips, and at the end, slug is pumped before they pull out.

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Pick-Up Lines to Use on Engineering Girls

I won´t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
Since distance equals velocity times time, let´s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
Let´s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
Wanna come back to my room?....and see my 166Mhz Pentium?
How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
You and I would add up better than a Riemann Sum.
You´re sweeter than glucose.
We´re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
Why don´t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
Your body has the nicest arc length I´ve ever seen.
Isn´t your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com
You´re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full!
Y ou´re the enter key on my TI-89, baby.

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Advantage to dating an Engineer:

If you´re into money, you have 3 main choices: Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer. If you marry a doctor, most likely he´ll work bad hours and you´ll have a good few years but he´ll eventually run off with some good looking patient of his. Don´t want that. You could marry a Lawyer, this might last for a while, but he´ll probably dump you for his young good looking secretary. Plus he´ll take you for every dime you ever make. Definitely not good. How about an engineer? You´ll be financially stable and I bet he´ll love you a lot and never stray. You know the no. one reason I can assure this? He´ll probably never even see another woman in the workplace if he´s an engineer!

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Advantages to being a girl in Engineering

You never have to complain about not having any guy friends (instead you complain you never have any friends that are girls)
Never ever ever a line for the bathroom, probably the one place on earth where the men´s bathroom is used more than the womens
No catfights (an occasional brawl, but you won´t be involved, just sit back and watch)
All the professors know your face and your name
All the guys know who you are
Never a lack of guys
Someone will always have a solution to any technical problem you have.
Cars, Cars, Cars
Have you seen the bathrooms?????
Guys want to be your partner in group projects and want to sit next to you in class, because "hey I get to be the next to the girl"
When someone yells, "hey girl," you´re pretty sure it´s you.
Lots of single guys if you´re looking for someone, some very good looking ones too
It´s awesome when your guy friends won´t stop for directions if they´re lost but WILL call you for help if they have problems with homework.
Drama free, or near drama free friendships, and those with drama aren´t worth it, plenty plenty plenty more interesting people to meet
Boys with money and fun technology they are willing to share (love the plasma tv and overly monsterous computers)
You never get yelled at for taking something apart, it´s required
You get to be a minority, minority = scholarship money ..... hehehe
Guys actually hold doors open for you and are nice to you for no apparent reason

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2006-08-10T09:44:00.000+05:00

Twentyt-five Questions People ask about Islam

1. What is Islam?

The word "Islam" means peace and submission. Peace means to be at peace with yourself and your surroundings and submission means submission to the will of God. A broader meaning of the word "Islam" is to achieve peace by submitting to the will of God.This is a unique religion with a name which signifies a moral attitude and a way of life. Judaism takes its name from the tribe of Juda, Christianity from Jesus Christ, Buddhism from Goutam Buddha and Hinduism from Indus River. However, Muslims derive their identity from the message of Islam, rather than the person of Muhammed (P), thus should not be called "Muhammadans".
2. Who is Allah?

Allah is the Arabic word for "one God". Allah is not God of Muslims only. He is God of all creations, because He is their Creator and Sustainer.
3. Who is a Muslim?

The word "Muslim" means one who submits to the will of God. This is done by declaring that "there is no god except one God and Muhammad is the messenger of God." In a broader sense, anyone who willingly submits to the will of God is a Muslim. Thus, all the prophets preceding the prophet Muhammad are considered Muslims. The Quran specifically mentions Abraham who lived long before Moses and Christ that, "he was not a Jew or a Christian but a Muslim," because, he had submitted to the will of God. Thus there are Muslims who are not submitting at all to the will of God and there are Muslims who are doing their best to live an Islamic life. One cannot judge Islam by looking at those individuals who have a Muslim name but in their actions, they are not living or behaving as Muslims. The extent of being a Muslim can be according to the degree to which one is submitting to the will of God, in his beliefs and his actions.
4. Who was Muhammad? (P)

In brief, Muhammad (Peace be upon him) was born in a noble tribe of Mecca in Arabia in the year 570 AD. His ancestry goes back to Prophet Ishmael (P), son of Prophet Abraham (P). His father died before his birth and his mother died when he was six. He did not attend a formal school since he was raised first by a nurse as it was the custom those days, and then by his grandfather and uncle. As a young man, he was known as a righteous person who used to meditate in a cave. At age 40, he was given the prophethood when the angel, Gabriel, appeared in the cave. Subsequently, the revelations came over 23 years and were compiled in the form of a book called the Quran which Muslims consider as the final and the last word of God. The Quran has been preserved, unchanged, in its original form and confirms the truth in the Torah, the psalms and the Gospel.
5. Do Muslims worship Muhammad? (P)

No. Muslims do not worship Muhammad (P) or any other prophets. Muslims believe in all prophets including Adam, Noah, Abraham, David, Solomon, Moses and Jesus. Muslims believe that Muhammad (P) was the last of the prophets. They believe that God alone is to be worshiped, not any human being.
6. What do Muslims think of Jesus? (P)

Muslims think highly of Jesus (P) and his worthy mother, Mary. The Quran tells us that Jesus was born of a miraculous birth without a father. "Lo! The likeness of Jesus with Allah is the likeness of Adam. He created him of dust, and then He said unto him: Be and he is" (Quran 3.59). He was given many miracles as a prophet. These include speaking soon after his birth in defense of his mother's piety. God's other gifts to him included healing the blind and the sick, reviving the dead, making a bird out of clay and most importantly, the message he was carrying. These miracles were given to him by God to establish him as a prophet. According to the Quran, he was not crucified but was raised into Heaven. (Quran, Chapter Maryam)
7. Do Muslims have many sects?

Muslims have no sects. In Islam, there are two major schools of thought, the Shia and the Sunni. Both have many things in common. They follow the same book - Quran. They follow the same prophet Muhammad (P). Both offer their prayers five time a day. Both fast in the month of Ramadan. They both go for hajj, pilgrimage to Mecca. Those who follow Prophet Muhammad (P), in accordance with his sayings and actions, are called Sunni and those who in addition follow the sayings and views of Ali (Muhammad's son-in- law), as the rightful successor to Prophet Muhammad (P), are called Shia. Shia means a partisan (party of Ali) and it started more as a political party to help Ali in his conflict with his political adversaries. Most Shias live in Iran and Iraq while the rest of the Muslim world is mostly Sunni. Shias comprise about 16-percent of the Muslim population.
8. What are the pillars of Islam?

There are five major pillars of Islam which are the articles of faith. These pillars are 1) the belief (Iman) in one God and that Muhammad (P) is His messenger, 2) prayer (Salat) which are prescribed five times a day, 3) fasting (Siyam) which is required in the month of Ramadan, 4) charity (Zakat) which is the poor-due on the wealth of the rich and 5) hajj which is the pilgrimage to Mecca once in a lifetime if one can afford it physically and financially. All the pillars should be of equal height and strength in a building in order to give the building its due shape and proportions. It is not possible that one would do hajj without observing fasting or without practicing regular prayers. Now think of a building which has pillars only. It would not be called a building. In order to make it a building, it has to have a roof, it has to have walls, it has to have doors and windows. These things in Islam are the moral codes of Islam such as honesty, truthfulness, steadfastness and many other human moral qualities. Thus in order to be a Muslim, one should not only be practicing the pillars of Islam but should also have the highest possible attribute for being a good human being. Only then the building is completed and looks beautiful.
9. What is the purpose of worship in Islam?

The purpose of worship in Islam is to be God conscious. Thus the worship, whether it is prayer, fasting, or charity, is a means to achieve God consciousness so that when one becomes conscious of God, in thought and in action, he is in a better position to receive His bounties both in this world and the hereafter.
10. Do Muslims believe in the hereafter?

God is Just and manifest His justice, He established the system of accountability. Those who do good will be rewarded and those who do wrong will be punished accordingly. Thus, He created Heaven and Hell and there are admission criteria for both. Muslims believe that the present life is a temporary one. It is a test and if we pass the test, we will be given a life of permanent pleasure in the company of good people in Heaven.
11. Will the good actions of the non-believers be wasted?

No. The Quran clearly says that, "anyone who has an atom's worth of goodness will see it and anyone who has done an atom's worth of evil will also see it" (Quran 99:7-8). By that it is meant that those who are non- believers but have done good will be rewarded in this world for their good deed. On the other hand, those who do good if they are Muslims, they will be rewarded not only in this world but also in the world hereafter. However, the final Judgment is up to God himself. (Quran 2:62)
12. What is the dress code for Muslims?

Islam emphasizes modesty. No person should be perceived as a sex object. There are certain guidelines both for men and women that their dress should neither be too thin nor too tight to reveal body forms. For men, they must at least cover the area from the knee to navel and for women, their dress should cover all areas except the hands and face. The veil is not essential.
13. What are the dietary prohibitions in Islam?

Muslims are told in the Quran not to eat pork or pork products, meat of the animals who died before being slaughtered or the carnivorous animals (as they eat dead animals), nor drink blood or intoxicants such as wine or use any illicit drugs.
14. What is Jihad?

The word "Jihad" means struggle, or to be specific, striving in the cause of God. Any struggle done in day-to-day life to please God can be considered Jihad. One of the highest levels of Jihad is to stand up to a tyrant and speak a word of truth. Control of the self from wrong doings is also a great Jihad. One of the forms of Jihad is to take up arms in defense of Islam or a Muslim country when Islam is attacked. This kind of Jihad has to be declared by the religious leadership or by a Muslim head of state who is following the Quran and Sunnah.
15. What is the Islamic Year?

The Islamic year started from the migration (Hijra) of Prophet Muhammad (P) from Mecca to Medina in 622 AD. It is a lunar year of 354 days. The first month is called Muharram. 1996 AD is in Islamic year 1416 AH.
16. What are the major Islamic festivals?

Idul Fitre, marks the end of fasting in the month of Ramadan and is celebrated with public prayers, feasts and exchange of gifts. Idul Adha marks the end of the Hajj or the annual pilgrimage to Mecca. After the public prayers, those who can afford, sacrifice a lamb or a goat to signify Prophet Abraham's obedience to God, shown by his readiness to sacrifice his son Ishmael.
17. What is Sharia?

Sharia is the comprehensive Muslim law derived form two sources, a) the Quran b) the Sunnah or traditions of Prophet Muhammad (P). It covers every aspect of daily individual and collective living. The purpose of Islamic laws are protection of individuals' basic human rights to include right to life, property, political and religious freedom and safeguarding the rights of women and minorities. The low crime rate in Muslim societies is due to the application of the Islamic laws.
18. Was Islam spread by the sword?

According to the Quran, "There is no compulsion in religion" (2:256), thus, no one can be forced to become a Muslim. While it is true that in many places where Muslim armies went to liberate people or the land, they did carry the sword as that was the weapon used at that time. However, Islam did not spread by the sword because in many places where there are Muslims now, in the Far East like Indonesia, in China, and many parts of Africa, there are no records of any Muslim armies going there. To say that Islam was spread by the sword would be to say that Christianity was spread by guns, F-16's and atomic bombs, etc., which is not true. Christianity spread by the missionary works of Christians. Ten-percent of all Arabs are Christians. The "Sword of Islam" could not convert all the non-Muslim minorities in Muslim countries. In India, where Muslims ruled for 700 years, they are still a minority. In the U.S.A., Islam is the fastest growing religion and has 6 million followers without any sword around.
19. Does Islam promote violence and terrorism?

No. Islam is religion of peace and submission and stresses on the sanctity of human life. A verse in the Quran says, [Chapter 5, verse 32], that "anyone who saves one life, it is as if he has saved the whole of mankind and anyone who has killed another person (except in lieu of murder or mischief on earth) it is as if he has killed the whole of mankind." Islam condemns all the violence which happened in the Crusades, in Spain, in WW II, or by acts of people like the Rev. Jim Jones, David Koresh, Dr. Baruch Goldstein, or the atrocities committed in Bosnia by the Christian Serbs. Anyone who is doing violence is not practicing his religion at that time. However, sometimes violence is a human response of oppressed people as it happens in Palestine. Although this is wrong, they think of this as a way to get attention. There is a lot of terrorism and violence in areas where there is no Muslim presence. For example, in Ireland, South Africa, Latin America, and Sri Lanka. Sometimes the violence is due to a struggle between those who have with those who do not have, or between those who are oppressed with those who are oppressors. We need to find out why people become terrorists. Unfortunately, the Palestinians who are doing violence are called terrorists, but not the armed Israeli settlers when they do the same sometimes even against their own people. As it turned out to be in the Oklahoma City bombing, sometime Muslims are prematurely blamed even if the terrorism is committed by non-Muslims. Sometimes those who want Peace and those who oppose Peace can be of the same religion.
20. What is "Islamic Fundamentalism"?

There is no concept of "Fundamentalism" in Islam. The western media has coined this term to brand those Muslims who wish to return to the basic fundamental principles of Islam and mould their lives accordingly. Islam is a religion of moderation and a practicing God fearing Muslim can neither be a fanatic nor an extremist.
21. Does Islam promote polygamy?

No, polygamy in Islam is a permission not an injunction. Historically, all the prophets except Jesus, who was not married, had more than one wife. For Muslim men to have more than one wife is a permission which is given to them in the Quran, not to satisfy lust, but for the welfare of the widows and the orphans of the wars. In the pre-Islamic period, men used to have many wives. One person had 11 wives and when he became Muslim, he asked the Prophet Muhammad (P), "What should I do with so many wives?" and he said, "Divorce all except the four." The Quran says, "you can marry 2 or 3 and up to 4 women if you can be equally just with each of them" (4:3). Since it is very difficult to be equally just with all wives, in practice, most of the Muslim men do not have more than one wife. Prophet Muhammad (P) himself from age 24 to 50 was married to only one woman, Khadija. In the western society, some men who have one wife have many extramarital affairs. Thus, a survey was published in "U.S.A. Today" (April 4, 1988 Section D) which asked 4,700 mistresses what they would like their status to be. They said that "they preferred being a second wife rather than the 'other woman' because they did not have the legal rights, nor did they have the financial equality of the legally married wives, and it appeared that they were being used by these men."
22. Does Islam oppress women?

No. On the contrary, Islam elevated the status of women 1,400 years ago by giving them the right to divorce, the right to have financial independence and support and the right to be identified as dignified women (Hijab) when in the rest of the world, including Europe, women had no such rights. Women are equal to men in all acts of piety (Quran 33:32). Islam allows women to keep their maiden name after marriage, their earned money and spend it as they wish, and ask men to be their protector as women on the street can be molested. Prophet Muhammad (P) told Muslim men, "the best among you is the one who is best to his family." Not Islam, but some Muslim men, do oppress women today. This is because of their cultural habits or their ignorance about their religion. Female Genital Mutilations has nothing to do with Islam. It is a pre Islamic African Custom, practiced by non Muslims including coptic Christians as well.
23. Is Islam intolerant of other religious minorities?

Islam recognizes the rights of the minority. To ensure their welfare and safety, Muslim rulers initiated a tax (Jazia) on them. Prophet Muhammad (P) forbade Muslim armies to destroy churches and synagogues. Caliph Umer did not even allow them to pray inside a church. Jews were welcomed and flourished in Muslim Spain even when they were persecuted in the rest of Europe. They consider that part of their history as the Golden Era. In Muslim countries, Christians live in prosperity, hold government positions and attend their church. Christian missionaries are allowed to establish and operate their schools and hospitals. However, the same religious tolerance is not always available to Muslim minorities as seen in the past during Spanish inquisition and the crusades, or as seen now by the events in Bosnia, Israel and India. Muslims do recognize that sometimes the actions of a ruler does not reflect the teachings of his religion.
24. What is the Islamic view on-
a. Dating and Premarital sex:

Islam does not approve of intimate mixing of the sexes, and forbids premarital or extramarital sex. Islam encourages marriage as a shield to such temptations and as a means of having mutual love, mercy and peace.
b. Abortion:

Islam considers abortion as murder and does not permit it except to save the mother's life (Quran 17:23-31, 6:15 1).
c. Homosexuality and AIDS:

Islam categorically opposes homosexuality and considers it a sin. However, Muslim physicians are advised to care for AIDS patients with compassion just as they would for other patients.
d. Euthanasia and Suicide:

Islam is opposed to both suicide and euthanasia. Muslims do not believe in heroic measures to prolong the misery in a terminally ill patient.
e. Organ transplantation:

Islam stresses upon saving lives (Quran 5:32); thus, transplantation in general would be considered permissible provided a donor consent is available. The sale of the organ is not allowed.
25. How should Muslims treat Jews and Christians?

The Quran calls them "People of the Book", i.e., those who received Divine scriptures before Muhammad (P). Muslims are told to treat them with respect and justice and do not fight with them unless they initiate hostilities or ridicule their faith. The Muslims ultimate hope is that they all will join them in worshipping one God and submit to His will."Say (O Muhammad): O people of the Book (Jews and Christians) come to an agreement between us and you, that we shall worship none but Allah, and that we shall take no partners with Him, and none of us shall take others for Lords beside Allah. And if they turn away, then say: Bear witness that we are those who have surrendered (unto Him)." (Quran 3:64)

What about Hindus, Bahai, Buddhists and members of other religions?

They should also be treated with love, respect, and understanding to make them recipients of Invitations to Islam.

2006-08-10T09:38:00.001+05:00

Jihad: Looking beyond the myths

What Jihad is:• The Arabic word Jihad is often translated as holy war, but a more accurate translation is holy struggle. Islamic scholars say the term holy war was actually coined in Europe during the Crusades to mean a war against the Muslims.• In a purely linguistic sense, the word Jihad means struggling or striving. There are two different, unrelated words which mean war.• In a religious sense, as described by the Koran and teachings of the Prophet Mohammed, Jihad means striving for the benefit of the community or the restraint of personal sins. It can refer to internal as well as external efforts to be a good Muslim, or believer. Scholars say it primarily refers to efforts to improve oneself.• Jihad is a religious duty.• If Jihad is required to protect the faith against others, it can be performed using anything from legal, diplomatic and economic to political means. If there is no peaceful alternative, Islam also allows the use of force, but there are strict rules of engagement. Innocents -- such as women, children, or invalids -- must never be harmed, and any peaceful overtures from the enemy must be accepted.• Military action is therefore only one means of Jihad, and is very rare. To highlight this point, the Prophet Mohammed told his followers returning from a military campaign: "This day we have returned from the minor Jihad to the major Jihad," which he said meant returning from armed battle to the peaceful battle for self-control and betterment.• In case military action appears necessary, not everyone can declare Jihad. The religious military campaign has to be declared by a proper authority, advised by scholars, who say the religion and people are under threat and violence is imperative to defend them. The concept of "just war" is very important.• The concept of Jihad has been hijacked by many political and religious groups over the ages in a bid to justify various forms of violence. In most cases, Islamic splinter groups invoked Jihad to fight against the established Islamic order. Scholars says this misuse of Jihad contradicts Islam.• Examples of sanctioned military Jihad include the Muslims' defensive battles against the Crusaders in medieval times, and before that some responses by Muslims against Byzantine and Persian attacks during the period of the early Islamic conquests.What Jihad is not• Jihad is not a violent concept.• Jihad is not a declaration of war against other religions. It is worth noting that the Koran specifically refers to Jews and Christians as "people of the book" who should be protected and respected. All three faiths worship the same God. Allah is just the Arabic word for God, and is used by Christian Arabs as well as Muslims.• Military action in the name of Islam has not been common in the history of Islam. Scholars says most calls for violent Jihad are not sanctioned by Islam.• Warfare in the name of God is not unique to Islam. Other faiths throughout the world have waged wars with religious justifications.