World’s Easiest Quiz

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1- How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?

2- Which country makes Panama hats?

3- From which animal do we get cat gut?

4- In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5- What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6- The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7- What was King George VI’s first name?

8- What color is a purple finch?

9- Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10- What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Feeling pretty confident are you? You only need 4 answers correct to pass the test.

To get the answers, scroll down.

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1- How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2- Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3- From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4- In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5- What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6- The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7- What was King George VI’s first name? Albert

8- What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9- Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10- What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

Sometimes..

Ever notice that

Sometimes…

when you cry…

no one sees your tears.

Sometimes…

when you are in pain…

no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes…

when you are worried..

no one sees your stress.

Sometimes…

when you are happy..

no one sees your smile.

But…

Let just ONE tiny little fart in the grocery store and EVERYone notices!

Life’s funny that way.

Disorder in the American Courts

________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh…….. he’s twenty.
______________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you sh****** me?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh… I was gettin’ laid!
___________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you sh****** me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people Would you like to
rephrase that?
_________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________
And the best for last:
_________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS

1. Forgive.
2. Always do your share and a little bit more.
3. A person never looks so tall as when he stoops to help another.
4. Smile when introducing yourself.
5. Have a firm hand shake.
6. Be the first person to say hello.
7. Always buy what little kids are selling.
8. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
9. Memorize your favorite poem.
10. Watch at least one sunrise and one sunset a year.
11. Remember people's birthdays. Not just your own.
12. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
13. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
14. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
15. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
16. Believe in love at first sight.
17. Use fresh herbs when cooking.
18. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
19. Ask questions. It's not always about what you know, rather What you can find out!
20. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
21. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
22. Don't judge people by their relatives.
23. Talk slow but think quick.
24. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
25. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
26. Call your Mom! NOW
27. Laugh....A Lot!
28. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze, especially a stranger.
29. Take a plate of cookies to a new neighbor.
30. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
31. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
32. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
33. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
34. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in in your voice.
35. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, conversational skills will be as important as any other.
36. Spend some time alone.
37. Open your arms to change.
38. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
39. Read more books and watch less TV.
40. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
41. Trust in God but lock your car.
42. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
43. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
44. Read between the lines.
45. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
46. Don't Litter.
47. Pray there's immeasurable power in it.
48. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
49. Always respond to a compliment with a sincere and heartfelt "Thank You"!
50. Mind your own business.
51. Don't trust a person who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.
52. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
53. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
54. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
55. Learn the rules then break some.
56. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

Assalam u alaikum,

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Math Purity Test

1. Been excited about math?
2. Gotten someone else excited by math?
3. Had an exciting dream about math?
4. Manipulated a numerator?
5. Manipulated a denominator?
6. Had a hard problem set?
7. Had a long problem set?
8. Done a problem out all the way?
9. . . . on your first problem set?
10. Worked on a problem for more than an hour?
11. Worked on a problem for more than four hours?
12. Stayed up all night working on a problem set?
13. Done more than one problem set on the same night?
14. Done more than three problem sets on the same night?
15. Done a problem set alone?
16. Done a problem set in a group of three or more?
17. Done a problem set in a group of ten or more?
18. Inadvertently walked in upon people doing a problem set?
19. . . . and joined in?
20. Done a problem set with someone of the same sex?
21. Done a problem set in a horizontal position?
22. Used food doing a problem set?
23. Had an animal in the room while you were doing a problem set?
24. Done a problem set in a public place where you might be discovered?
25. Been discovered while doing a problem set?
26. Used explicit notation in your problem set?
27. Puposefully omitted important steps in your problem set?
28. Faked a problem set?
29. Padded your problem set?
30. Let someone see your finished problem set?
31. Had someone do your problem set for you?
32. Gotten in trouble because of a problem set?
33. Attacked a problem and worked on it until you were done?
34. Taken a math course?
35. . . . with prerequisites?
36. . . . at the upper level?
37. Taken two different math courses at the same time?
38. Gotten excited in class?
39. Done group work in a math class?
40. Scored perfectly on a math test?
41. Been blown away on a test?
42. Blown away your professor on a test?
43. Swallowed everything your professor gave you?
44. Cheated on a test?
45. Taken an oral exam?
46. Looked in the back of the book?
47. Double-majored?
48. Changed advisors?
49. Written a thesis?
50. Published a joint result?
51. Applied your math to a hard science?
52. Applied your math to a soft science?
53. Taught math?
54. . . . to someone under 18?
55. Used a foreign object (like a calculator) on a math problem?
56. Used a program (like Mathematica) to improve your mathematical technique?
57. Used a picture to help with the math?
58. Needed medication to help you do math?
59. Done a calculation in n-dimensional space?
60. Done an integration by parts?
61. Done two integration by parts in a single problem?
62. Done a change of bases?
63. Done a change of bases specifically in order to magnify your vector?
64. Worked through four complete bases in a single night?
65. Screamed uncontrolably because of math?
66. Tried to solve the condom problem?
67. Worked on the n-body problem?
68. Produced some original topology?
69. Multiplied 23 by 3?
70. Factored by grouping?
71. Seen a Lipshitz function?
72. Used a circumscribed circle?
73. Found the intersection of two sets?
74. Found the union of two sets?
75. Been an ordered pair?
76. Done things with the Witch of Agnesi?
77. Reached a local maximum?
78. Found a critical point?
79. Bisected an angle?
80. Used the domination test?
81. Used the chain rule?
82. Performed an improper integral?
83. Studied simple harmonic motion?
84. Studied continuous curves?
85. Taken a problem to the limit?
86. Manipulated a log?
87. Done Newton's Method?
88. Done the Method of Frobenius?
89. Used the Sandwich Theorem?
90. Done the Monte Carlo method?
91. Used Brownian Motion?
92. Functor?
93. Not used brackets when you should have?
94. Forgotten the order of operations?
95. Integrated a function over its full period?
96. Used the triangle inequality?
97. Inserted a number into an equation?
98. Calculated the residue of a pole?
99. Used a standard deviation?
100. Seen a Mobius strip?

Your percentage of math purity is the number of questions to which you answered "no".

Top Ten Math Major Pick-Up Lines

10. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
9. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
8. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
7. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
6. Wanna come back to my room....and see my 733mhz Pentium?
5. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
4. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
3. I wish I was your derivative because then I would be tangent to your curves.
2. I hope you know set theory because I want to intersect you and union you.
1. Would you like to see my log?

Definitions of Terms Commonly Used in Math

CLEARLY: I don't want to write down all the in-between steps.

TRIVIAL: If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.

OBVIOUSLY: I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it.

RECALL: I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test, here it is again.

WITHOUT LOSS OF GENERALITY: I'm not about to do all the possible cases, so I'll do one and let you figure out the rest.

ONE MAY SHOW: One did, his name was Gauss.

IT IS WELL KNOWN: See "Mathematische Zeitschrift'', vol XXXVI, 1892.

CHECK FOR YOURSELF: This is the boring part of the proof, so you can do it on your own time.

SKETCH OF A PROOF: I couldn't verify the details, so I'll break it down into parts I couldn't prove.

HINT: The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof.

BRUTE FORCE: Four special cases, three counting arguments, two long inductions, and a partridge in a pair tree.

SOFT PROOF: One third less filling (of the page) than your regular proof, but it requires two extra years of course work just to understand the terms.

ELEGANT PROOF: Requires no previous knowledge of the subject, and is less than ten lines long.

SIMILARLY: At least one line of the proof of this case is the same as before.

CANONICAL FORM: 4 out of 5 mathematicians surveyed recommended this as the final form for the answer.

THE FOLLOWING ARE EQUIVALENT: If I say this it means that, and if I say that it means the other thing, and if I say the other thing...

BY A PREVIOUS THEOREM: I don't remember how it goes (come to think of it, I'm not really sure we did this at all), but if I stated it right, then the rest of this follows.

TWO LINE PROOF: I'll leave out everything but the conclusion.

BRIEFLY: I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster.

LET'S TALK THROUGH IT: I don't want to write it on the board because I'll make a mistake.

PROCEED FORMALLY: Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning.

QUANTIFY: I can't find anything wrong with your proof except that it won't work if x is 0.

FINALLY: Only ten more steps to go...

Q.E.D. : T.G.I.F.

PROOF OMITTED: Trust me, it's true.

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